Cultivating Resiliency for Women in Agriculture

Megan Roberts: Welcome to our summary episode of our Cultivating Resiliency for Women in Agriculture podcast, series one. The Cultivating Resiliency project develops tools for women in agriculture to recognize, adapt to, and develop positive coping strategies to life stresses. This podcast series is developed from our cultivating resiliency webinar sessions. I'm Megan Roberts and I call lead this project along with Doris Mold. Throughout our podcast, we have featured Shauna Reitmeier and Dr. Brenda Mack as our session hosts. Shauna and Brenda are professionals in behavioral health with family ties to farming. Today, Shauna and Brenda recap, our previous episodes highlighting some of their key tips for resiliency. Shauna, will reference the three-legged stool, a self-care from some of the earlier episodes. Those three legs are the social relationship leg, the emotional leg and physical leg. We need all three types of self-care to have a balanced approach to self-care and resiliency. We first hear from Shauna, as she reminds us why we have a putting it all together episode. Then Brenda joins the conversation. Because we are recapping, this episode is a bit longer. So settle in for some great tips and conversation. Here's Shauna.

Shauna Reitmeier: Our goal is we want it to kind of recap and pull out some of the highlights because we really started off talking about stress. Then we moved on with stress, how do you take care of yourself? What are some of those self-care tools? And then how do you keep your cup filled? And how do we build the relationships around us because we know how important those relationships are in building resiliency. And then how do you create happiness and joy in your life? So we're going to kind of touch base on each one of these again, and highlight some of those. But the intention behind all of this is that we really are looking for you to see this as a package of information or a little gift box that has lots of stuff in that you get to pull out when you need it. We know that self-care and the information that we're talking about, these are really personal decisions that you find out what works best for you in your own situation that you're dealing with and what you experience in your life. And we want you to be able to decide what's going to work. This is not intended at all to be prescriptive that, you must do this, you have to do this. You're not going to have self-care if you aren't doing these things, because that's just not true. You really need to find out what's going to work for you. I mean, I've tried things and like yeah, "That just didn't work for me. And now I've got to try something else." Until you find the right thing. And I kind of see that's the same thing with therapist. You got to be able to connect with a therapist or a counselor if you're going to go get help, because you really want to engage with that person because you're investing your money, you're investing your time. So find what works for you.

Brenda Mack: We had a discussion about not all stress works against you. That there's definitely positive stress. And under those kinds of situations, that can be very motivating. So think about the pressure to get a project done on the farm before the change of seasons. And so that you feel some pressure to get that done, but it also motivates you to organize your time in a certain way, and to maybe break down the tasks that needs to be done in order to get that project done. And so, it can motivate you to complete whatever you need to get completed by a certain time. And so, if you think about stress in that way, it can really be something that works for you.

Stress can also be something that tears at your heart and works against you. And some of those kinds of symptoms are things like feeling so overwhelmed that you don't even know how to tackle a project. Or you're irritable with your family and your friends. That you're having difficulty sleeping, you're having difficulty eating. That you feel anxious and on edge at all times, or you feel defeated and depleted and sad and depressed. And it really starts to affect whatever your typical functioning in life is like, it really starts to affect that. And so well, you may have joined in in activities before, or you had the ability to get things done and get things done quickly, that you're no longer able to do that. And that's when we start to see the impact of stress on your overall health and wellbeing.

Shauna Reitmeier: Yeah. So that really kicked it off because as we're trying to manage self-care, it's really about how to deal with the stressors that are in our lives, I think. And one of the things that was so interesting, and I don't know if we really talked about this in the previous webinar, in the first one when we talked about stress, but what is interesting in some of the research that's coming out is that when we stay in these heightened modes of stress, we have adrenaline that helps motivate us stress kicks in... We have stress, we get a little bit of adrenaline and that drops when you're done with whatever that situation is. But what we're finding is when people that are in those heightened levels of stress all the time are in that constant kind of fight-or-flight mode.

And that cortisol is that hormone that kicks into the body that comes out when you're in fight-or-flight around stress and some of the impacts that that's having on people managing self-care. And so, as we go into thinking about this stool that we've talked about before, is how do we impact all three of the legs of this stool because they're so interconnected with each other. And when that stress becomes negative... Well, stress can be both. So we're saying it's both positive and negative, but when it starts to get... That stool gets to be a little wobbly, it's trying to find out, is it me and my self-care? And sometimes that stool can be wobbly because the ground underneath you is not very stable.

And so I use that analogy of the grounds that it's not stable, or probably those things that you don't have control over, like commodity prices and the weather, and the tariffs that are out there. So you can't control that. Sometimes you can dig that stool in and get it a little stable by a little bit of work. Sometimes you have to pick that stool up and move it to a stable ground. But if you know the ground is stable and it's still rocking, maybe it's one of these areas of social, emotional, or physical components in your life that's maybe a little bit unsteady.

Brenda Mack: If you remember only one thing from this six part series, and I had to help identify what that was, it would be this, that connection and relationship with other people is instrumental in helping you to deal with stress, to overcome your emotional pain. We are all biologically hardwired to connect with other individuals. And that research shows that there are better outcomes in reducing stress and increasing happiness when you do connect with others and you don't isolate yourself. I want both extroverts and introverts to be thinking who are those people in my life that help to re-energize me? That unconditionally care about me and build me up when I'm having a difficult day but also celebrate with me when I have something exciting to share?

Shauna Reitmeier: So, that interpersonal piece in that social. Kind of categorizing it as social because there's the interpersonal within your family, your spouse, your children, your extended family, and your friends, are a key piece in that first leg of our stool. And yes, technology works when you get to see people, when you're using FaceTime or Skype. But I think the social media... We've kind of said this before, connectedness, isn't about the number of followers that are on Instagram that are following you, or you're following it's really about, can you have that conversation with someone that's trusted, that you really care about?

Brenda Mack: Yeah. We talked about the importance of just a face-to-face conversation, having coffee with your friend or your sister. Or even talking to them on the phone rather than texting and kind of pushing ourselves to get back to that place of how are you connecting face-to-face? And when that isn't possible, maybe you live a couple of states away from that person you want to connect with, having a telephone conversation with them.

Shauna Reitmeier: Well, and so this is so interesting as we tie into the next leg of our stool is the emotional piece because sometimes when the stress gets really high and we do start... Sometimes it's easy to start isolating and get disconnected. And then we kind of start going into some negative self talk that sometimes prevent us from reconnecting with people like, "Oh, I haven't talked to my friend in like three months." And, "Oh, I don't want to call, I feel guilty."

Brenda Mack: So, one of the specific strategies and some research that has to do with Martin Siligman's, positive psychology and what you can do to increase your feelings of happiness. And so, one of those specific activities is the three good things exercise. And so there're lots of ways that you can do this exercise, but one example is, before you go to bed at night, have a notebook next to you or your phone with a memo app next to you. And you write down three specific good things that occurred during your day. And you do this every night before you go to bed. And you challenge yourself to change those three good things so that it doesn't become redundant and that you're not really thinking about it, but it just ... Yeah. Kind of becomes a habit instead of... Well, you want it to become a habit, but you don't it to be this mundane. You're just writing the same thing. And research shows that after about three weeks or 21 days, you start to see your levels of happiness increase.

Shauna Reitmeier: So, that emotional component is that other leg of that self-care stool that is really helpful in being resilient. So when stressful times come up, you've got these tools to pull out to be able to use, so that the next time a really stressful situation occurs, you're able to bounce back faster. And then that third leg of the stool is that physical component. And we've talked a lot about this when you through all of the webinars is that how important our physical health is because we know that it's all connected. When we're starting to feel stressed, we're not able to bounce back and be resilient right away, can lead into anxiety and depression that leads into physical achiness, that when you don't feel very good, you stop moving and it just starts this spiral.

When you do physical activity, it's that natural antidepressant. Those endorphins kick into your body and you start feeling better. Breathing, is so important. One, you need to make sure that you're getting oxygen, so you can think and process. If you're not breathing and forget to breathe, consciously pay attention to that. And then the other with breathing, as well is, really focus in on breathing from your diaphragm. Because when you're breathing through your chest and just your lungs, you're in that fight-or-flight kind of mode, and you're really not getting your body filled with the oxygen that's needed. And some of the handouts was this 4, 7, 8 breathing technique that's a really good strategy to use in stressful times to; One, be mindful, get grounded, you're present. You're not thinking of the past, you're not thinking of the future.

Drink water, pay attention to what you're putting in your body for food. I think that, when we eat, we know when we feel good after we eat certain things and when we don't. And sleep is so important. I just heard a segment on MPR the other day, that was a new study coming out of a sleep study. And it was finding that people that had five days or more of sleeping five hours or less, at the end of those five days, they had gained five pounds and they had blood levels that were similar to people with pre-diabetes. So, that physical piece, that three legged stool, the social, that interpersonal connectedness, the emotional, that self-talk, what are we feeling? And the physical are really those three pillars and legs of that stool to try to stay in balance as much as you can. Our goal is peace and calm, but there're some things that we can do to help us in getting there.

Brenda Mack: Relationship is a two-way street.

Shauna Reitmeier: It is.

Brenda Mack: And I talk about reaching out to those people who give you energy, who build you up, but as part of that reciprocal process, you foster relationships, by also being a good listener. I often tell students that I teach and try to share with my kids that you want to listen to understand, not necessarily to respond. I know that I truly feel heard when somebody is giving me eye contact, giving me those para linguistic cues of nodding their head, or maybe saying mm-hmm (affirmative), that I feel heard when I'm getting that nonverbal feedback from someone else. And so again, we just wanted to remind participants of how do you know that you're engaged in a relationship with somebody that's actively listening and a good listener. And these are some of the ways that you can be evaluating that.

Shauna Reitmeier: You bet. If you're watching partner or your spouse and you know that they need self-care, they should be practicing this because we were really good at being able to see what others could really benefit from. So, this sometimes is a challenge in this active listening, because you want to asking questions and you want your spouse to be talking, but it really is going in, understanding what your spouse is going through, or what are some of the challenges that they're facing and maybe not wanting to do certain things versus going in with you've got that agenda that you want them to be following versus what is it that they really want versus what I want.

So I find even in... That's really important for me to always go into those conversations with my spouses. Am I going in to understand what's going on? Or is it really, 'I really want him to do this,' and he doesn't want to do that at that time. And so here's where we get out a little bit as well. How do you try to engage with your partner? And Brenda, I go to that side by side, I loved your example of a way to come through the side door to have that conversation. So I don't know if you want to share that again.

Brenda Mack: Sometimes having more of a side-by-side conversation where you are walking with your friend on your farm and you don't have to look at them directly in the eye, or you're walking with your husband on your ranch, and you can have a conversation about, "I'm really concerned about you. You seem to be distant lately, and I'm wondering if you're stressed and I just really like to hear about it." And so you can pose some of those open-ended questions and see what kind of response you get back without that person having to look you in the eye and either feel like, "I'm not supposed to be talking about this. I'm supposed to be pulling myself up by my bootstraps and dealing with this." That it just maybe takes away one of the barriers to having that conversation.

Shauna Reitmeier: Yeah. So, these are just some examples here that you can use to try to open the door for that conversation. And I would encourage people to read Gary Chapman's, The 5 Love Languages, because knowing the way your partner responds and connects with you, will be another way to open that door for conversation.

Brenda Mack: Two other specific suggestions are, mindfulness or contemplative exercises. That there're certain apps on phones nowadays that... There's a Happify app and there's a Calm app that you can go through some daily exercises that don't take a long time and that-

Shauna Reitmeier: Five minutes.

Brenda Mack: ... help you to quiet your mind, which quiets your negative self-talk patterns. It can quiet your anxiety thoughts, and increase your resiliency thoughts and language. And then random acts a kindness. There's research about doing random acts of kindness that don't cost money for other people, such as shoveling sidewalks. Or I know of farmers who, if there's been a health issue with another farmer in the community, they've helped them bring in the crop at harvest. It's those kinds of acts of kindness that can also help you increase your happiness levels.

Shauna Reitmeier: If doing some of these things that we've talked about around building yourself-care isn't working, and you're having a hard time self-motivating your own action. That's maybe the time where you want to reach out and ask for help. And that could be talking to your doctor. That could be going to see a counselor or a therapist. It could be talking to a pastor. It could be reaching out to your friend and that interconnectedness of connectedness piece as well. So that's where it starts. Are you aware and paying attention to what's going on with you?

Megan Roberts: Thanks for joining us on this Cultivating Resiliency For Women in Agriculture podcast, series one. As we close this episode, I want to paraphrase something Brenda said. There's one key thing to remember about building resiliency is that connection and good relationships are instrumental to helping us deal with stress. If we think back to the strategies for resiliency shared today, the overarching theme could be described as relationship building. From the relationship we have with others, to the relationship we have with ourselves and our own emotions. Maybe you start a journal sharing three good things at the end of the day with yourself privately or sharing three good things in conversation with your family. Perhaps try going out for a walk using the side-by-side conversation strategy, the next time you need to communicate a difficult topic with your partner or a friend. Maybe it's being kind to yourself by getting extra sleep, drinking water, and eating healthy foods, or taking an extra moment for self-care. Perhaps, you identify you need additional assistance in your journey to resiliency and establish a professional relationship to seek assistance from a doctor or mental health provider. All these tips are aimed at finding what's right for you to boost your resiliency, enabling you to bounce back in the face of adversity and be more flexible in the emotional ups and downs of farming. We thank you for joining along this series. This project is a collaboration of American Agri-Women, District 11 Agri-Women, University of Minnesota Extension Women in Ag Network, and the Upper Midwest Agricultural Safety and Health Center, UMASH. You may find the recordings for an entire webinar series on the UMASH or American Agri-Women websites under Cultivating Resiliency.